Sexual liberation: what we didn’t want

I am starting this article with a couple of statistical data and a semi-serious consideration.

The data:

• one woman out of two suffers of ‘sex blues’, which is not the latest sex toy, but a sadness that arises after reaching the orgasm.

• More and more women are suffering from dyspareunia, a scary name (I know) which is a medical condition where a woman feels a lot of pain during sexual intercourse.

My semi-serious consideration

Personally I do not know a woman who is single and is not desperate to be on her own. Every night she is hunting for her prey while he is getting food at the buffet table, completely unaware of the asteroid that will soon hit him.; she is desperately trying to find Prince Charming who is lost somewhere, maybe inside another vagina. Hooked to another woman’s pussy needing to be freed. I do not know any 40 something’s woman who has not looked into how to freeze her own eggs, but once she finds out how expensive it could be she starts to devise diabolical strategies in ordered to get ‘fertilized’. Confronted with this disheartening scenario, I decide to sit at the very top of Saint Peter’s basilica, overlooking the city, and in a dreamlike state I wonder: “didn’t we ask for sexual freedom?”, crossing my legs I continue “we fought to be free to have sex where, but mostly with whoever we fancy but, in the end, we always look for one man that loves us and children we can love? I sigh, a family, just like our grandmothers.

Sexual freedom and chocolate.

Having just said that, I try to be serious now, sexual freedom was something we, women did not have (and it was not the only freedom we did not have). The struggle to obtain it was the right thing to do and, when I think about the women who sacrificed themselves for the cause, I become emotional. But if you have that freedom you should also know how to use it. It is just like when I was a kid and I was not allowed to eat chocolate because it was bad for me. But one day, all of a sudden I tasted it, it was like heaven, I ended up eating a ton and once I finished it I felt sick and nauseated. There! Sex freedom is like 10 kilos of chocolate.

Free and uninhibited?

I meet Terry Bruno, an esteemed psychotherapist, to be precise, a sex therapist, to endorse my theory, thankfully she confirms what I just thought: “for women to feel equal during sex is very important therefore they tend to detach from their emotional side, but in that way they miss out that wonderful sensation you have when you make love.” That is ok, so far, after all even Woody Allen said “love is the answer, but while waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. But the problem we are not interested in sex for the sake of sex. According to a study called Friends with Benefits by the Istituto di Sessuologia Clinica, 81% of men think that a friendship can be maintained even after sex, while the same percentage of women associate sex with stability and exclusivity. Basically we start a relationship feeling cool, inhibited, craving sex without strings attached but then we dream a proper relationship with love.

That’s sexual freedom for you, baby!

But why? I ask, while stirring my soy cappuccino. “many reasons” Terry says “but we have not discovered the root cause yet, possibly a mix of genetics, culture and ancient beliefs”. I reflect on the word ancient, on my way home and I come to the conclusion that sexual freedom is too young towards the thousands years’ history of human kind, just half a century compared to at least 2000 years. We must still assimilate it, elaborate, digest it because, at the moment we do not seem to be able to handle it. But there is good news, Terry told me that, in recent times, men seem to have changed their attitude towards sex: “they seem to be enjoying sex when there are feelings involved rather than just the act”

Welcome to the club my dears.