The ring and the lack of sex

“Words constitute only 7% of our interpersonal communication!”. I am at Hotel de Russie with my friend Terry Russo, a psychotherapist, and I nearly choke on my Coke Zero. Remember the endless hours in front of a mirror trying to prepare a coherent speech while your cat looks at you as if you’re demented? Well forget about it. He might not understand our words but he will perceive our body language (our posture, the expression of our face, our gesture, our breathing, the way we move our eyes) and he will pay attention to our paraverbal communication (the rhythm and the tone of our voice). “What are the sexual messages we unconsciously send to men?” I ask hoping I didn’t commit any faux pas with A.

“There are 3, mainly”, Terry says, and I am shivering. “if he licks his lip, particularly his upper one. This means he has a sexual interest in you. Do you remember the Muller advert? Make love with flavor? That is a typical example. But also biting the lower lip has a similar meaning. If a woman, instead, straighten up a man’s tie, subconsciously she feels a deep attachment to that man”. For the depth of this attachment, I will leave it to your imagination.

“last, but not least, playing with a ring emulating the sexual act indicates lack of sex or a possible interest towards the man she is talking to.” I must remember not to wear any ring; I think while nervously playing with my straw. We pay the bill and start walking towards my office. Next date I’ll cut my hands off, I think. If you discover any of these signals during a date, you should wait before diving in bed. “You should have at least 3 nonverbal signals before having some sort of certainty” Terry says.

Is he moving his torso towards you? Very good, he is showing interest in your conversation. If, at the same time, he touches his hair we can say he feels affection towards you. But if, on the contrary, he turns his back, or swings sideways and starts playing with his watch or looks at his mobile, it’s a red alert; he is uncomfortable. In that case it is wiser to stop, smile at him and ask “did you want to say something and I interrupted you?”. That will make him feel more at ease.

At dinner with A. He touches his mobile and I have cold sweat: “did you want to say something and I interrupted you?” I ask. But he calmly replies:” No, I’m sorry, just a work message”. After all, men really are so simple.

E, come al solito, una canzone da ascoltare durante la lettura…